A Meeting of (Superior) Minds
by AvocetsInFlight
Summary: The tale of two exceedingly intelligent (scary) people, and the relationship which grew between them. Also of an overworked second-in-command and the bothersome task (person) she was assigned to oversee. And a scientist and his test subject.
1. The Impending Arrival

**Chapter 1: The Impending Arrival**

.-.-.-.

It was a seemingly ordinary day when she first met the man with the candy-floss hair.

Granz was his name, Szayelaporro Granz. From her research she knew he was some sort of scientist, as well as being the former octava Espada under Aizen.

This information _should_ have been of no particular relevance to her (goodness knows she already had enough to keep track of, what with having a lazy fool of a man for a captain and all…), but it just so happened that this particular arrancar was to be temporarily under the supervision of the eighth squad while the leaders of Soul Society ironed out the last details of an agreement between them and the remaining espada.

The Winter War had ended not long before with Kurosaki Ichigo's defeat of Aizen. However, one of the other espada (she believed his name was Ulquiorra) had been instrumental in bringing about this defeat, and this fact coupled with other evidence gathered had made Soul Society reconsider its position on what was to be done about the erstwhile top servants of Aizen.

Initially, the thinking had been that it was too much of a risk to let them live, particularly with Soul Society being as vulnerable as it was following the injuries, losses, and damages sustained in the war. The trouble was, those same injuries and losses also meant it might be well-nigh impossible to carry out the extermination without further loss of life, and Soul Society could not afford to lose any more highly-ranked Soul Reapers.

In the end, it was Urahara Kisuke who helped create an acceptable solution. Based on his observations and data, he strongly felt that it should be possible to "rehabilitate" the most powerful arrancars without having to kill them. After all, they were _very _much like the Visoreds – they just came from the opposite side of the equation, so to speak! *cue deployment of that stupid fan for dramatic effect*.

The fact that one of the espada (again, Ulquiorra) seemed to have regained his heart supported the shopkeeper's assertions, so the leaders agreed it was worth trying - or at the very least decided that it was better to have these powerful beings in Soul Society under constant surveillance, rather than getting up to who-knows-what in Hueco Mundo.

So that was that, really, and whether or not she agreed with the leaders' decision it seemed that a majority of the espada were now here in their lives to stay.

All of which brought her to her present situation.

For the agreement to be made official it had been decided that all of the arrancars, shinigami, and other people involved in it must be present at the time it was read and ratified. This was to ensure that everyone knew what the rules and regulations were, and what the consequences would be for breaking them. It would also provide an opportunity for questions from both sides to be answered.

It was really quite sensible, but the upshot of this arrangement was that their former (and, she couldn't help but think, possibly current) enemies needed to be properly supervised in the interim. At least until their official…guardians?...were announced.

For now they had been distributed around the various squads on the basis of whoever would agree to take them. (There were some notable exceptions, of course. Kurotsuchi-taicho had been denied in his request to "look after" all…some?...one!..._any!?_..._please!?_ of the arrancar.)

Her own captain had _graciously_ volunteered to keep an eye on one of them, but of course it was really _herself_ who would end up doing it. (Lazy, skirt-chasing, drunken, annoying…oh well, what was new.)

At least she knew she could count on him to step in and take care of it if this glorified hollow snapped and started trying to eat people or something. She would just have to survive the situation until her Taichou got there.

Come to think of it, she was rather puzzled as to why he had volunteered for _this_ arrancar. Wouldn't he have preferred one (or all) of the females?

The question resolved itself as soon as it had been asked, however. Most likely her Taichou _had_ requested one of the women, but had been promptly shot down by Yamamoto-sotaichou. (After all, if this experiment had even a _prayer_ of working, a good start would be to keep the female arrancars strictly away from the esteemed captain of the eighth. Particularly that proud-looking blonde…)

Apparently Kyoraku-taichou had then gone with the next stupid idea to pop into his head, which word-for-word as related to her had been "Well, I don't know…he had the same number as our company so I thought it would be a fun idea to get to know him! You know…fellow eights and all? Wait, Nanao-chan! Hear me out! There's no call for the book again! _Ow!_"

She supposed it could have been worse, though. There was no way she could have dealt with that crude, blue-haired loudmouth, or even worse the tall, skinny, creepy guy whose only expressions seemed to be "ticked", "sullen", or "crazed". She pitied the division that got either of those two. Her preference (aside from none of them) would have been the solemn-looking Ulquiorra, but he apparently was staying with the sixth division since Inoue-san was friends with the Kuchikis.

Shaking herself out of her reverie, she glanced at the gate once again.

She was currently awaiting the arrival of her new charge (she might as well think of him that way, since that was reality, despite all Kyoraku-taicho's protestations to the contrary…).

Granz was scheduled to be dropped off at the barracks in about ten minutes, and she wanted to be sure she was present when he arrived. Honestly, she didn't quite know what to expect of him.

I mean, yes, she had seen him when the arrancar group first arrived in Seretei. She supposed even among that…_unique_…group of people a man with pink hair was bound to stand out at least a little. In terms of who he was as person, though, the only thing she really had to go on was the little bit she had heard from Abarai-fukutaicho, which frankly wasn't too promising. She had also heard a rumor that Granz and Urahara-san had hit it off quite well, which if it was true still might or might not be a good thing.

Oh well, she supposed she would be finding out what sort of person this Granz was soon enough.

.-.-.-.

**Hey everyone, new author AvocetsInFlight here, and I have to say I NEVER thought that I would be one to write fanfiction. Ever.**

**I mean, sure, I've read some (and often cringed at the lack of…writing skill, shall we say?), but I never felt inspired to write my own.**

**Until now. This idea found me and Would. Not. Let. Go. until it had been written. **

**So here it is! I present to you…SzayNao! (Otherwise known as Szayel X Nanao.)**

**This is one of my crack pairings that I've never seen anyone else do before. Most likely very few people will agree with me on it, but that's okay. I just wanted to have fun writing a previously unwritten-for pairing. (At least, as far as I know...)**

**Updates will likely be rather slow, but I will do my level best to actually finish this story. However, reviews do tend to inspire me to get that next chapter done.**

**Finally, I do have a series of one-shots kicking around in my head, but as for any other stories like this one...we'll just have to wait and see.**

**If you've read this far, I sincerely thank you.**


	2. En Route Musings

**Chapter 2: En Route Musings**

.-.-.-.

In later years, he would receive no small amount of grief from his friends and associates over the fact that he couldn't really remember the first time he ever laid eyes on Ise Nanao. But really, could you blame him?

At the time she was just one more short, dark-haired Soul Reaper girl bustling about on some (seemingly) important errand. Honestly, he had much more important things to be worrying about at that point than remembering the face of every new person he happened to see! He supposed he _might_ have glimpsed her when they first arrived in Seretai, since all the available captains and vice-captains had been in attendance, but if he had the sight had left no lasting impression.

His first definite memory of her was when he was handed over to her care as a ward of the eighth division during the time before the finalization of The Armistice, as it came to be called. Ah, yes. What a time that was…

...

(Present-day)

It truly was amazing how even seemingly unshakable facts of life could change in such a comparatively short span of time. A shinigami being friendly (or at least tolerant) towards a hollow? Unheard of.

And yet here they were - the remnants of Azen-sama's arrancar army enjoying the hospitality of soul society, when but a few months before the shinigamis' standing orders regarding them had most likely been something along the lines of "kill on sight". Granted, they were only being allowed limited freedom, and it was certainly possible that this was all just an elaborate trick, but the fact they were being allowed any liberties at all was astonishing.

This was a wonderful opportunity to further his research! This chance to look about soul society without some unsightly moron trying to hack him to pieces was literally a dream come true. In fact, that had been one of the reasons he threw his lot in with Aizen-sama originally.

The ex-shinigami had promised him the opportunity to expand his research to soul society and the world of the living, and really, what sort of scientist would he be to say no to an offer like that? (Of course, the other reason had been that there was a not-so-veiled threat behind Aizen's words, and Szayel was more than smart enough to know when he was outclassed power-wise, unlike some people he could mention…*cough*Grimmjow*cough*.) Well, all that was over now, and good riddance too - Aizen-sama had always given him the creeps. There was just something about that calm smile…and that hair curl…*shudder*

Anyhow, back to a happier train of thought. Ah yes! Research in soul society!

He was fairly certain that collecting a shinigami as a specimen was out of the question, though it might be worth asking, just in case. Perhaps they had an old one that wasn't really needed anymore.

He always made sure his specimens were dead before dissecting them, so that should certainly be a point in his favor. Vivisection was something that unsightly Kurotsuchi character did; his own research techniques were far more advanced and no longer required such a crude practice. Besides, live dissection specimens required the use of troublesome restraints and they tended to make a headache-inducing fuss about it as well.

However, there were some things he wanted to look into that required the use of a live specimen. Maybe…perhaps…..He really ought to write all this down. The ideas were coming at a furious rate now, and he wanted to be sure to remember all of them. This was exactly why he carried a notebook with him at all times. Ah, the guards seemed suspicious of the notebook. Oh well, it was these peoples' job to be suspicious of everything. Let's see…

Research Notes: Day _ Month _

- Inquire about availability of shinigami specimen.

- See about procuring basic reshi analysis equipment (meters and so forth).

- Specimen containers as well. And collecting equipment. (if allowed)

It really was exciting, this chance to do some real field work and not just lab-based science. The variety of landscapes and organisms was just so much greater here in Soul Society. For instance, in Hueco Mundo the closest thing to a "tree" were those quartz-based edifices in the Forest of Menos, which "grew" as a result of the Menos' unconscious manipulation of the reshi around them. Now he finally had real, living trees to work with, assuming they would let him have that chance.

And speaking of research he could only do at Soul Society's behest, he really needed to work on his resurrection abilities some more. The fight with that captain had revealed a definite need for improvements, but unfortunately he could do nothing at the moment since his sword had been confiscated along with everyone else's before they entered Soul Society.

It was curious, this low-grade panic he felt at being forcibly separated from his sword. He certainly had felt no need for a sword as an Adjuchas, but then Aizen-sama presented him with one and it seemed he, Szayel, was now attached to it – like it or not.

It was almost embarrassing to be experiencing such a shinigami-like feeling. He really should look into this phenomenon, and ask the others if they were experiencing the same thing. In the meantime though, he would have to rely on his temporary shinigami "guardian" for personal protection, since the Kido squad had also sealed away his cero abilities on arrival.

This really was rather worrisome not being able to protect himself at all, and everyone - even Harribel's fraccion! - was better at hand-to-hand combat than he was, and this whole situation was beyond his control, and now the panic was setting in, and he could just FEEL the madness starting to encroach upon his mind again – _and!_

And breathe, Szayel, breathe. Nothing's happened yet, and it would be unsightly to break down in front of the guards in such a manner. And fancy that! They were already within sight of the eighth squad's headquarters.

In a few moments he would be able to judge for himself the likely qualifications of the person assigned to look after him.

.-.-.-.

**Hey everyone! Thanks for reading the second chapter of "Superior Minds".**

**So here of course we got to see Szayel's take on the whole situation. Admittedly my idea of Szayel's overall mental state has been slightly colored by the lovely Dr. Franken Stein from Soul Eater. Of course even on a "good" day, I think Szayel would never be as genuinely nice and caring as Stein can be, except perhaps towards a very select few people - and even then it would be expressed rather differently. Still, I feel there are certain similarities there.**

**And now! A sneak preview of what's coming in chapter 3!**

**"Next time, in A Meeting of (Superior) Minds - Szayel and Nanao...wait for iiit...ACTUALLY MEET!" *le gasp***

**(Seriously though, next chapter should be a fun one. Among other things we'll have their first impressions of one another, plus Szayel's first real experience with sake...) XD**


	3. First Impressions

Characters are the property of Tite Kubo...

**Ch. 3: First Impressions**

**.-.-.-.**

And there he was, the pink-haired, probably-mad espada scientist – Aizen's erstwhile one-man R&D department.

He was clad in a spotless black-trimmed white uniform which, with the addition of gloves and boots, completely covered him from the neck down. He also wore a decidedly decorative set of spectacles. Really, this man was worse than Ayasegawa-san, and he projected a similar air of vain fastidiousness.

She dismissed the Kido Corps guards with a "Thank you. You may go now" then cleared her throat briskly in an attempt to bring Granz-san's attention from their surroundings back to her. She succeeded, and now that she held it she could see a sort of smug, calculating superiority in his gaze, coupled with condescension - as though she were a being far inferior to him. Hmph, just as she had suspected. This one was going to be trouble, his own _special_ kind of trouble. Oh well, no sense in delaying the inevitable any longer. Time for formal introductions.

"Szayelaporro Granz-san, I presume?"

He inclined his head. "Indeed"

"I am Ise Nanao of the eighth division, fukutaicho to Kyoraku Shunsui-taicho. You may call me Ise-san. I will be your host here in Soul Society until the treaty is signed and the official guardian arrangements are approved. You will be meeting with Kyoraku-taichou at 8:00 this evening. In the meantime I will show you to your quarters then give you a brief tour of the facility. Any questions you have can be answered as we go. This way, please."

...

Well, well. Wasn't she just the queen of committee chairs? He could certainly picture her being well-nigh unsurpassable in that role. He smiled to himself as he followed her across the courtyard.

He had contemplated answering "no" to her initial query, but decided it wouldn't do to openly antagonize his Shinigami keeper _quite_ yet. After all, discretion WAS the better part of valor – or was that desertion? No matter, he'd always been good at both; however, he doubted she would appreciate him trying the latter of those two options at this juncture. Not that he would have anything to gain by it anyway. No, it would be much more enjoyable (and much safer) to study this "Ise Nanao" person and learn as much as he could about how Shinigami functioned in their native habitat. It would be his first observation-based behavioral study outside of Hueco Mundo!

Of course, he would have to be quite stealthy about it, for if the subject of the study was aware it was being studied that would affect its behavior. With that in mind he began to mentally jot down what he had learned thus far, (he would transfer the notes to his notebook later):

- Subject Height: between 160 - 165cm. Likely Subject Weight: about 50kg.

- General Appearance: average. Dark hair bound up in a utilitarian style; lavender-gray eyes; simple, oval glasses; body of average proportions for a female; clothing is standard Shinigami uniform with no alterations.

- Power level: difficult to determine at this time. Seems average, but could simply be well-controlled. Further investigation needed.

- Appears to be unarmed, no evidence of a zanpakuto currently on subject. (Perhaps subject is skilled in Kido? Seems lax on the part of Soul Society to assign care of a powerful possible enemy to someone of lesser combat skills, therefore subject is likely skilled in Kido.)

- Most distinguishing features seem to be business-like manner and exceedingly large book carried under one arm.

By this time they had reached a wing of the barracks which appeared to contain the living quarters for the seated officers in the squad. His newest test subject had paused to open a door near the far end of the corridor, and was now waiting expectantly for him.

He inclined his head in acknowledgement once again and entered the room it was indicating. Once he had done so, it adjusted its glasses and began relaying the next round of official information.

"This will be your room for the duration of your stay with us. There is a restroom beyond that door there", gesturing to a door on the left-hand side of the room, "and clean towels have been provided. We have issued you a standard uniform which you will be expected to wear while you are in Soul Society. Also, please be aware that the door to your room will be locked nightly at mine or the captain's discretion until such a time as it is deemed reasonable to allow you greater freedom. Any questions?"

He thought for a moment, then shook his head.

"Very good. Then I shall give you your privacy while you get changed. I'll be back in twenty minutes to give you a tour of the rest of the facilities, after which we will have dinner. In the meantime, if you need me for anything, I will be across the hall in my private quarters."

With one last look at him, she shut the door, leaving him to explore his new accommodations. It was a simple room – tan walls, wood floor, bed in one corner, a dresser, a mostly-empty bookshelf, a small desk with chair and lamp, and a curtained window looking out over a traditional Japanese formal garden. The bathroom was similarly modest, tiled floor, toilet, sink, mirror, and shower, and also (not to be forgotten) a selection of washcloths and various-sized towels hung neatly on the towel rack.

The uniform he was to wear was set out on the bed, and he decided he might as well change into it as instructed. After all, while he did quite like the look of his current clothing, (he had personally customized it to suit his tastes), it was still a badge of Aizen-sama and a constant reminder of the time spent in that man's service. Changing his uniform for a Shinigami's would rather neatly symbolize his break with Aizen-sama and the completely new direction his life was taking.

The new uniform fit him nicely, but it was truly surreal to see himself in the clothing of the enemy, (well, former enemy if all went well). It was also uncomfortably loose in style - particularly the top half.

He once again adjusted the neck in an attempt to cinch it tighter. Perhaps he could wrap one of the towels around his neck? No, no…that would be unsightly. Better to just leave it as it was.

He wondered if any of the others were having trouble with the uniform. Starrk and Harribel probably didn't care one way or the other, Nnoitra…he really wasn't sure; Ulquiorra might - though he was probably too taken up with thoughts of Hime-chan to be overly worried about a change in clothing, and Grimmjow (shameless, exhibitionist idiot that he was) would more likely be fussed over how much the uniform _covered_. Well, what did it matter? Beings of _inferior intellect_, the lot of them. Of course they couldn't understand the concerns of one such as himself…

Just then there was a knock, signaling the return of his newest test subject. He stowed a pen and one of his notebooks inside his new uniform, then went to open the door. It was time to attend to more important matters.

...

Well. That had gone better than she thought it would. She had taken him to see the indoor and outdoor training areas, the quarters of the rank-and-file, the hell butterfly cages, the main office area, and the records room – explaining the structure and day-to-day functioning of the squad as they went.

He had actually seemed quite interested in all of it, asking insightful questions and occasionally writing notes in a little notebook he was carrying with him.

That notebook…she had noticed several more like it on the shelf when she had retrieved him from his room. Were they empty? Or were they full of valuable notes he could not bear to leave in Hueco Mundo? Something of both? She made a mental note to ask him later.

And speaking of things to ask him about – she really didn't care for that look he often gave her, as though she were an interesting specimen rather than a person. Was he _studying_ her? He probably was, the pink-haired creep. Still, she could probably let it go, so long as it didn't interfere with her schedule or create more paperwork.

They were now on their way to the dining hall. She had always made a point of eating with the regular squad members as a way of keeping better track of how the division was doing as a whole. And it was a good way to get to know the people she was in charge of. That too. Yes.

Anyhow, seeing as Grantz-san was to stay with her at all times, he would be eating in the dining hall as well. Though that raised an interesting question - did he eat? She might as well ask him.

"Granz-san, did you take regular meals in Hueco Mundo?"

He raised an eyebrow at her, and she hastened to clarify: "I understand that as a hollow your principle form of sustenance is concentrated reshi in the form of souls, but did you also eat regular food?"

He regarded her a moment longer (with such a _belittling_ look – the _nerve_…) then responded: "Not often. It is of course _possible _for me, and when Aizen-sama required it I would do so. Also, I did sample some of the foodstuffs for research purposes, but normally I was too busy with my work to be concerned about something as _frivolous_ as eating."

Well, there was her answer, snooty and supercilious though it was. "Good. Then I shall expect you to eat at least a small portion of food at every meal, for politeness' sake. Also, you should know that our food is composed of reshi, so hopefully it should help curb any hunger for souls you may have."

With those words they arrived at the dining hall, which was beginning to fill as the regular squad members filed in for their evening meal. She made her way across the hall in order to join the queue of people waiting to get their food, greeting a few of her fellow squad members along the way.

Granz-san followed right at her heels and continued to show no apparent interest in interacting with the Shinigami surrounding him. Thinking about it she realized that he had been steadfastly ignoring the other Shinigami from the moment he arrived at the barracks.

It wasn't _too_ surprising, considering he seemed to view himself as a being far superior to most anyone else. Still…he was a scientist. Shouldn't he be at least a _little_ interested in the new beings surrounding him? Or could it be…? He couldn't possibly be _shy_, could he? No, that wasn't quite it Maybe he just didn't like crowds of strangers. Oh well, it didn't really matter so long as he kept out of trouble.

The dinner served at the Eighth varied depending upon what night of the week it was. As the one who had been put in charge of planning how to feed the squad, she had devised a menu system which she felt maximized both variety in food choices and efficiency in feeding such a large number of people. So every Thursday night they had grilled fish and curry rice, Friday was pizza night, and so on.

Tonight's dinner menu consisted of miso soup, fried pork, rice, and salad. She got a tray and served herself some of each, noting that Granz did the same, then sat down at one of the more empty tables so that none of the other shinigami would have to sit next to the powerful hollow if they didn't want to.

As they ate, she noticed that he seemed to be very…organized…in how he consumed his food. He would select just one component, such as the tofu in the miso soup, and eat all of it before moving on to another. It was almost cute.

Suddenly, she felt the espada tense beside her and she looked up to see two of the larger male squad members purposefully heading their way. She knew one of these men had a bit of a crush on her, and she would bet money he had persuaded his friend that they should go over and "protect" her from the pink-haired hollow sitting beside her.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Granz subconsciously feel for his sword, then clench his hand in frustration at its absence. This could get ugly if she didn't do something quickly to diffuse the situation. Directing a lethal look at the two men (which stopped them in their tracks) she said: "Granz-san, are you nearly done? Your meeting with Kyoraku-taicho is in fifteen minutes and we don't want to be late."

Granz swallowed, then took a few breaths before replying, "Yes, I'm quite finished. We can go now if you are ready." At that she stood up and led him out of the dining hall, leaving their dinner trays to be picked up by the kitchen staff.

Normally she would take care of her tray according to protocol, leaving it at the drop-off station next to the kitchen entrance. However, tonight she would make an exception, since she really preferred to avoid having a confrontation on his very first day at the Eighth.

Thank goodness it was time for Granz-san's meeting with the captain.

.-.-.-.

**Here it 'tis everyone! Chapter three! (Cheer. Woo ha. Whee hoo.)**

**Sorry for the long wait. Real life happened (and Otakon), but now I'm back and hopefully updates will be more frequent for the next while at least.**

**So in this chapter we get the long-in-coming actual meeting of Szayel and Nanao, and their initial thoughts on each other. As of yet, these thoughts are not terribly flattering (or caring), but we'll get there...eventually. *snicker***

**And there was another semi-oblique reference to Soul Eater in this chapter (congratulations if you caught it). I do think Azusa and Nanao would get on very well.**

**Also, many apologies. I said there would be Szayel and alcohol in this chapter and there isn't. That will instead come at the beginning of the next chapter. Essentially this chapter was already significantly longer than any of the others, and in light of where I am going with the story next it seemed to make more sense to end this chapter here and have the alcohol episode in the next. Also, I really wanted to get this posted.**

**Anyhoo, thanks and (oh-so-worthwhile) kudos to anyone who reads this drivel.**


	4. A Novel Experience

Characters are the property of Tite Kubo...

**Chapter 4: A Novel Experience**

**.-.-.-.**

He hated feeling powerless. _Hated_ it. Here he was, surrounded by beings who could easily do him harm, and he could do next to nothing about it.

Yes, his test-subject had protected him as it was supposed to, and for that he was almost grateful, but this feeling of helplessness set his nerves jangling as he became hyper-aware of every possible threat in his vicinity. And that almost-encounter back in the dining hall had _ensured_ that he would be unable to fully relax for at _least_ the next nine hours.

He had hoped to be less on-edge for his meeting with the captain, but _clearly_ that hope had been a futile one. At this rate it seemed he would _never_ be in control of himself or his surroundings _ever_ again. Perhaps it would be better to just call off this whole charade now and…!

No…no. That was the insanity talking. If he could just keep his cool a little longer things should improve, and before he knew it he would be headed back to the world of the living to work on experiments with Urahara-san! Yes, that was it. Think happy thoughts, and the madness would pass once again.

He looked up now and saw that his test subject was knocking on the door of what was clearly the captain's quarters. A voice within called for them to enter, and he took a deep breath, attempting to prepare himself for this meeting with the new principal authority figure in his life.

After a brief conversation with the man inside, his test subject nodded for him to enter.

He stepped across the threshold and felt more than heard the door close behind him. The spiritual pressure emanating from the other being in the room drew his attention immediately. So this was Kyoraku Shunsui, captain of the eighth division of the Court Guard Squads and the man who very nearly finished off Starrk in the final battle of the Winter War.

Speaking of, he appeared to be almost as laid-back in temperament as the Primera, and was also curiously similar in looks. As for his style of dress one had to admit it wasn't all that bad. Lacking in refinement, yes, but the overall color scheme was fairly good.

Appearances aside though, this man was obviously very powerful, both personally and in terms of the Soul Society hierarchy. Meaning he could make a person's life very uncomfortable if he so chose. Therefore he, Szayel, had better mind his P's and Q's and do whatever it took to reassure the Shinigami before him that this humble hollow scientist was in no way a threat to anyone. Best to make his expression as pleasant and meek as possible; his "Face for the Great Lord Aizen-sama" should do nicely. (And yes, he had practiced it in front of a mirror. How else was he to be sure he had perfected it?)

Also, he really must remember to inquire about obtaining some reishi meters and perhaps even a shinigami specimen, if it wasn't too much trouble.

The captain regarded him thoughtfully for a moment, then spoke.

"Sit down Szayel-san."

Szayel seated himself at the low table as indicated, opposite the Shinigami. There was what appeared to be a vase of some sort on the table, as well as two saucers. Wait, not a vase. A sake bottle. He remembered having seen a smaller version in Ichimaru's private quarters once, when he had been sent there with a message from Aizen-sama. Unlike that time, however, it looked as though this sake was meant to be shared, and sure enough Kyoraku-taicho poured some in each of the saucers and handed one to him while explaining that 'Szayel-san would be excused from pouring for him just this once'.

The liquid in the dish was clear, cold, and had a light aroma. A glance at the shinigami revealed him to be waiting expectantly for his guest to try this new beverage. It was rumored to have strange, mind-altering qualities which really didn't sound all that pleasant or helpful, and would likely get in the way of making proper scientific observations, but – the situation seemed to demand that he at least try a little for politeness' sake. Well, here went nothing…

_It burned_.

There was a fruity dimension to its flavor as well, but its principal effect was to make him acutely aware of the location and length of his esophagus. Could it possibly be poisoned? No, that was unlikely. The shinigami had drunk from the same bottle (and…was already refilling his own dish….oh my), and there were no orally-administered poisons that Szayel was aware of which affected hollows while leaving shinigami unharmed.

So, to sum up initial research results: substance not the _worst_ thing ever consumed personally, but still undesirable as a frequent recreational beverage. Conclusion: should be possible to successfully navigate the present social situation, as long as only a minimal amount of this "sake" was consumed. And now the man across from him was beginning to speak again and it really would be best to pay attention since it was probably important.

"Szayel-san, I'm sure you have already been thoroughly briefed on the rules and conditions regarding your stay here, so I won't bore you with them. Instead, I'd like to get to know each other a bit, since you'll be an ally of Soul Society from now on. First of all, is your room comfortable enough?"

Szayel nodded. "Yes, sir. It is more than adequate."

"Good, good. I'm glad to hear it. And I assume Nanao-chan's given you the full tour? I apologize there aren't more pretty girls in the squad, though of course there's really no such thing as 'enough' pretty girls, am I right?"

"I..….suppose not, sir?" _Pretty girls?_ What did _that_ have to do with anything? Did it matter? He hadn't really noticed any of the females other than his test subject. Wait, the powerful shinigami was speaking again.

"So, tell me about yourself. I understand you are a scientist?"

"Yes, Kyoraku-sama. I have been a scientist for as long as I can remember, and…I…specialize in researching reishi manipulation." At the "and" the captain had refilled both the saucers. Curious, he hadn't noticed drinking all of it. Well, the capacity of these containers wasn't that much to begin with, but still…

"Ah. Reishi manipulation is it? I suppose that's how you were able to pull those tricks with Abarai-kun and Ishida-kun in Hueco Mundo. I should warn you though, Abarai-kun is still a little upset over that whole incident. He seems to think you don't fight "fair".

"Meaning no disrespect sir, but I don't believe there is any such thing as "fair" in a fight. There are merely winners and loosers, and the end result is the same no matter how one got there."

The shinigaimi laughed. "You think so? My Katen Kyokotsu is much the same. Every fight is a game to her - and _she_ gets to make the rules. It's very troublesome."

Ah yes, he remembered Starrk mumbling something about that while he getting patched together. This shinigami really was very dangerous. Perhaps a little flattery was in order.

"Yes, Kyoraku-sama. The fact that you can control such a sword shows how –"

"There's really no need for that."

"Pardon?"

"You don't need to put on a face like that. I'm not going to kill you just because you don't look like a submissive, worshipful servant."

*cough!* "I – I, ah, I mean - I wasn't – I….really?"

Whoops. He hadn't meant to swallow _all_ of his sake at once. He was just…taken by surprise…a little bit. Nerves seemed a bit calmer now, though. Interesting.

"And no need for the '-sama' either. Kyoraku-san's fine."

"Y-yes, Kyoraku-sam-…san!"

"Much better! So what did you truly think of Aizen? Because somehow I doubt you were as loyal as you most likely pretended to be."

"Aizen-sama? He…well, I…"

Strange. It was getting somewhat hard to formulate and arrange coherent thoughts. Could it be the drink? And this shinigami was scary. How could he tell that – oh, more drink? No! Focus! Answer the scary shinigami's question!

"…He was scary with that smile and because he could kill me, but he said I could do all the experiments I wanted wherever I wanted if I joined him - so that seemed like an acceptable deal because I stayed alive _and_ got to do research, but he was highly annoying with his superior attitude and hair curl and tea-parties when I was trying to get important work done. _That_ is what I thought."

" Hmm. I thought you might. It seems to me you're a reasonable person Szayel-san, so, being reasonable I'm sure you'll understand when I tell you that if you hurt Nanao-chan in any way at all, you and I will be meeting in the practice grounds out back to play a little game."

_A game?!_ That was it. This shinigami was officially Very Scary. Very Scary and Completely Unsettling. Yes. Okay, take another swallow of this nerve-steadying substance, then explain complete harmlessness of all intentions and activities. (Later, Szayel was told that at this point he became Completely Unsettled and rather lost his head, metaphorically speaking.)

"Meters, Kyoraku-sama-san! I need them to shinigami the extra unneeded observation of the won't hurt the harmless reishi Nanao-san!"

"…Szayel-san? Are you all right? I couldn't quite understand that last bit…"

No! The dangerous shinigami _still_ didn't understand!

"An extra Nanao! I need one so I can measure the harmless specimen-san that won't hurt or observe anything to do!"

This explanation really wasn't coming out the way it was supposed to. All the information he wanted to convey was there, but the order seemed…wrong…somehow… Perhaps another drink would help?

Ah. The floor on his left side. It was coming up to meet him. How…friendly…of it…

*****thud*****

.-.-.-.

**And now you have it. The chapter where our dear espada scientist has his first encounter with alcohol as a beverage. It ended up being an entire chapter on its own, partly because I wanted to update for you all sooner rather than later. **

**As one can tell from the chapter, I feel that Szayel (despite all the scientific work he has done on himself) would likely be the definition of "lightweight" when it comes to drinking. And Kyoraku-taicho is a clever, clever man.  
**

**Anyhow, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and please continue let me know your thoughts on it.**

**Coming Next: our heroes pay a visit to the Fourth squad! (dun, dun, dun!)  
**


	5. A Trip to the Fourth

All characters property of Tite Kubo…

**Chapter 5: A Trip to the Fourth**

.-.-.-.

He was still in bed. Not surprising considering the poor thing had his first encounter with alcohol as a beverage the night before. Still, there was a schedule to be adhered to. She opened the curtains to let the morning light in, yanked his covers off (breathing a mental sigh of relief that he had apparently figured out how to use the sleeping yukata), and proceeded to try and rouse him.

"RISE AND SHINE, GRANZ-SAN! We have an appointment for you at the Fourth in one hour and we mustn't be late!" She may feel a bit sorry for him, but that didn't mean she wasn't going to yell at him. It really was a very important appointment, and besides, having a sufficiently negative experience afterwards would (perhaps) deter him from becoming a drunken sot.

A groan emanated from Granz as he tried to sit up and hold his head simultaneously. He really did look rather disheveled and pathetic. Oh well, it couldn't hurt to take pity on him just this once. She got a glass of water from the bathroom, then handed it to him along with a quick-acting painkiller.

"Here, Granz-san. This should help with the headache at least. I won't force you to eat breakfast if you don't want to, but I do expect you to at least be properly dressed in time for your appointment. Will you need help with that, or can you manage on your own?"

At that he looked up suddenly and waved his hands. "No, no! I'll be fine on my own."

"Good. And will you be wanting breakfast this morning?"

He considered for a moment, then – "No, I don't think so."

"Very well then. I shall be back in thirty minutes to fetch you. Please be ready to leave for the Fourth at that time."

…

The Fourth, hm? That was the medical squad, wasn't it? What could they want with him? Would he have to…no, he wouldn't worry about _that_ unless and until the time came for such things.

In the meantime the painkiller seemed to finally be taking effect – which was a distinct relief. Last night had been a _decidedly_ unpleasant experience. He shivered a bit at the recollection. Between the terror of having a captain threaten to kill him (probably in a painful and sadistic manner), and the unsettling blank in his memory that came directly afterward, the previous night was _not_ an experiment which bore repeating any time soon.

He stood up from the bed with the intention of getting dressed, then almost collapsed back onto it as a wave of nausea washed over him. Ooookay then. Sudden movements were apparently to be avoided after the administration of a large dosage of alcohol. Also, finding a fresh uniform would probably be easier if he opened his eyes again. Well, maybe just a little – the morning sunlight was _awfully_ bright.

He felt his way over to the dresser and began going through the drawers, pulling out each part of the uniform as he found it. This much he knew – those knots in the uniform weren't going to tie themselves, so he had better get moving if he wanted to be ready by the time his caretaker came back.

…

Subordinates and their stupid questions – protocol for the removal of weeds from the vegetable garden was all spelled out in The Handbook, if they would just take the time to _read it_. Now they were two minutes late and making their way towards the Fourth at a brisk walk. If they kept it up they should still be able to make it on time for the espada's appointment. Speaking of, Granz-san had been curiously quiet this morning. He hadn't said a word sin-

"So, Ise-san. The fourth division is the medical division for the Court Guard Squads, is it not?"

(Never mind. He was apparently back to normal.) "That is correct."

"Then I take it the purpose of this appointment is to make sure I'm not harboring any communicable diseases or parasites which could infect the shinigami population?"

His tone as he asked the question seemed almost hopeful. Weird. Anyhow, "Not quite. Unohana-taicho wanted to give all of the espada and fraccions a complete physical to ensure your medical records are complete and in order."

"Ah…ha. Is that so? I see."

And now he seemed…worried? Well, maybe he had heard some of the rumors about Unohana-taicho and was uneasy because of that. Understandable, if that was the case. He'd be an idiot _not_ to be intimidated by her, and one good point about Granz-san so far was that he obviously possessed a sharp mind. And used it, too.

When they arrived at the Fourth, Nanao alerted the reception staff to their arrival then sat down with Granz-san to wait. He kept fidgeting with his uniform, first tugging at the collar (apparently in an attempt to get it to close further), then pulling the sleeves down over his hands – which would of course open the collar again and start the cycle over. Just as she was about to say something about it to him an attendant called his name and they were ushered back to one of the examination rooms.

Granz-san entered (with a wary look on his face) while she remained outside. He was a responsible adult (as far as she could see, at least), so there was no reason she couldn't wait outside in the hallway and get some paperwork done while the examination took place. Anyway, there was nothing in this arrangement that stipulated she had to have him actually within her sight at all times during the day – just that she had to "keep track of him and make sure he didn't get out of hand". Seeing as he was in an enclosed room and she was right outside the door, she felt her current proximity should be more than adequate.

…

Szayel had been shown into small room which contained a raised…bed?...covered in paper, two chairs, a sink, and a cabinet. The paper-covered platform-bed looked odd, so he elected to sit in one of the chairs. Looking about some more he noticed there was a poster affixed to wall which detailed the workings of the upper respiratory system, both healthy and diseased. Hmm, shinigami health and wellness. There was something he had not fully considered before. He was just about to pull out his notebook to write down some thoughts on the matter when a nurse entered the room bearing a clipboard. She was older and seemed to be one of those brisk, no-nonsense, can-handle-anything sorts. Luck of the draw? Or were they expecting trouble from him? Well, he supposed that would be revealed momentarily.

The nurse set the clipboard down on the counter then turned to him. "Please sit on the examination table, Granz-san" indicating the odd piece of furniture he had noted earlier. He situated himself on it, the paper crinkling underneath him. "Thank you. Now if you'll just raise your right arm a bit, I'm going to take your pulse." He did as asked and watched as the nurse rolled the sleeve back and wrapped the cuff around his bicep. So far, this seemed to be a fairly standard check-up - at least, judging from what he knew of them. Perhaps everything would be all right after all…

The nurse had recorded his pulse and his temperature, and he was just sitting back down on the exam table after getting weighed when she glanced up from recording the information and casually dropped a verbal bombshell – "Now Granz-san, if you'll please remove your kosode1 and shitagi2 we'll - - -"

WHAT?!

Szayel froze, the rest of that dreadful sentence fading to a garbled murmur in the back of his consciousness. Had that being just asked him…? It had, hadn't it. He was afraid it would come to this. But he wouldn't – _couldn't_ – do it. There was no way he would voluntarily expose himself like that. Never. Would not…

"No."

His antagonist fixed him with a hard look. "Granz-san, I need you to take them off so we can continue with the -"

"NO. I won't do it. I'm sure I can give you _whatever_ data you need." He crossed his arms protectively over his chest.

"_Standard procedure_ dictates that - "

"A _pox_ on standard procedure! I _won't_ do it!"

The Enemy gave a long-suffering sigh. "_Szayelaporro Granz-san_, I'm afraid I must _insist_ that you take off your uniform so -!"

"NO! I WILL NOT! I ABSOLUTELY, CATEGORICALLY REFUSE!" He was positively hugging himself now, leaning away from the imminent threat.

"We _will_ be providing a - !"

"I WON'T DO IT! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"

"_ACTUALLY_ we _can_ and _will_. I am leaving now to inform Unohana-taicho that you are ready for examination, and _if_ you have not complied by the time she arrives the Kido Support Staff _will_ be summoned. _Do I make myself clear!?_"

"…yes." He relaxed his arms in resignation. The Fiendish Foe then left, muttering something about "headache" and it "not being paid _nearly_ enough for this…"

Unfortunately, The Minion of Evil had won that round. Under threat of _Cruel_ and _Unusual_ Measures being taken to separate him from his raiment he really had no choice but to admit defeat. After all, as horrible as it would be to face other beings without his tertiary protective layer firmly in place, it would be vastly worse to have it forcibly removed without his consent. It was only the upper half anyway and now that he thought about it, The-Being-With-Nefarious-Intent had said _nothing_ about _remaining_ unclothed… Hmm. It would be difficult to convince them that he had complied with the order if he just took off his uniform then put it back on. No, better to come up with an alternative solution…ah! He _knew_ his forays into recreational paper-folding would be useful one day! Now, if he could just get this roll of paper detached…

…

What on _earth_ was going on in there? At first, all had been peaceful enough – allowing Nanao to make good progress on the paperwork she had brought along. Then there had been shouting (progressively more hysterical on Granz-san's part), then the nurse had left the examination room looking quite irritated.

It couldn't be_ too_ bad considering she had not been called in, but he must be causing trouble of some sort. It was just a simple examination! What could he possibly find to object to in a simple examination? He had seemed so reasonable up till now. Apparently it had been too good to last. She rubbed her temples, feeling the beginnings of a headache coming on, then returned to her documents. At least he was quiet for now.

Some minutes later Unohana-taicho and the nurse from before arrived at the examination room, trailed by an exceedingly tall arrancar whom Nanao understood to be Nnoitra Gilga-san. He, too, was dressed in standard shinigami garb, though he seemed to have kept the boots from his espada uniform. He was carrying what appeared to be a folded hospital gown, which he handed to the nurse as they arrived. He then settled himself against the wall to wait as the two medics entered the exam room.

While the door was open, Nanao leaned over and attempted to see around Unohana-taicho in an effort to discern what might have been the matter earlier. She glimpsed Granz-san perched on the examination table with a defiant look in his eye and wearing what appeared to be…paper?...on his upper half. Whatever was he attempting to do? Then the door was shut – cutting off her view of the paper-enswathed hollow. Great. This probably meant more reports for her to prepare.

She could hear voices again inside the room, first Granz-san's, then the nurse's, then Granz-san's again, then Unohana-taicho's saying something about "hakama as well" then –

…

Then a despairing shriek went up, which could probably be heard across most of the Seireitei.

…

She glanced up at Gilga-san to see his reaction, and saw a look of sneering derision on his face. "Tch! He always was a _sissy_."

.-.-.-.

1. Kosode – the outer (black) layer of the shinigamis' upper garments 2. Shitagi – the inner (white) layer of the shinigamis' upper garments

…

**Hey everyone! I'm back with another chapter, and sorry for the long wait. This one took some working at the get the tone right. Still not entirely sure if I succeeded. Anyhow, on to the actual chapter notes. **

**And here we have The Continuation of Szayelaporro's Tribulations in Soul Society. Poor Szayel. He's just so fun to tease…**

**In all seriousness, though, this chapter grew out of something I noticed about Szayel. He seems to prefer being absolutely as clothed as he can get at all times. In his standard uniform, everything is covered from the chin down, and that doesn't change even when he goes into resurreccion form. He even took a time-out from his fight with Renji and Uryu to go change after his first outfit was destroyed. Granted, one could just chalk the outfit change up to vanity on his part, but that still doesn't explain the well-nigh ridiculous extent of his 'clothedness' as it were. **

**My personal opinion is that Szayel, for all his exhibitionism and borderline-indecent comments, is actually rather (or very) afraid of exposure and prefers to have as many protective layers as possible (both literal and metaphorical) between himself and the world around him. It may be related to his need to control everything about himself, his environment, and the people around him. Which in turn may come out of a fundamental sense of powerlessness or inadequacy when compared to the other espada. **

**That's all I'll say on the subject for now. I'll be exploring this concept further in later chapters. **


End file.
